


Uh-Oh, It’s Just You and Me Together (and Him)

by Anotherlostblogger



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series), Watcher - Fandom
Genre: Friends to Lovers, M/M, Oh no they were quarantined, Secret Relationship, Three’s a crowd, oblivious!steven
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-21
Updated: 2020-06-04
Packaged: 2021-02-26 15:35:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23242807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anotherlostblogger/pseuds/Anotherlostblogger
Summary: Shane and Ryan decide to hole up together. Not everything goes according to plan.Rating subject to change.
Relationships: Ryan Bergara & Shane Madej, Ryan Bergara & Steven Lim, Ryan Bergara/Shane Madej, Shane Madej & Steven Lim
Comments: 82
Kudos: 301





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Was gonna be quick and dirty, not remotely beta’d but not done either, stay safe and stay inside folks.

The thing is, it had been happening behind the scenes for a long while now. Creeping up on them, both unexpected and...actually incredibly expected at the same time. 

They started a company together sometime last year, worked basically nonstop to make it happen, between doing their regular shows at BuzzFeed, and there was so much anxiety about whether or not any of this was going to get off the ground and then, miraculously it did.   
  
Ryan cried relieved latent anxiety tears about it, and he knows Shane cried a little too because he told him later, and then they were off to London. 

It was kind of wild to be doing a convention now before they’ve even really “taken off” as a production company, and they all know they owe a lot to their previous company to have the audience they do now, and that will, hopefully, keep growing.

London is an exhausting, totally gratifying time, and wound up being the time that he and Shane finally snapped in place. 

He and Shane shared a room, it was the last night and Ryan was a little tipsy and excited and homesick all at once when Shane got back from his walk, and strode in look damp but happy.

”You’re all wet,” Ryan said.

”This city,” Shane said, shrugging out of his coat. “...is marvelous.” 

“And wet,” Ryan pointed out.

”...and wet,” Shane concurred.   
  
”Sheesh,” Ryan said, as Shane continued to stand there looking like a happily walked sheepdog, hair dripping flat over his face, and Ryan grabs one of the towels folded out for them on the bed and goes over and says, “lean,” and Shane leans.

He could blame it on sleep deprivation, the fact that he doesn’t consider this weird that he’s drying Shane’s hair, or weirder that Shane’s letting him, rubbing the towel in Shane’s dark damp strands until they all stick up with fluffy friction like a baby bird’s down.

“There,” Ryan says, but any other words get stuck in his throat when Shane glances up at him, all clumped eyelashes and searching amber eyes and freckles across his nose.

Before he can step away, Shane’s hand loops, large and warm around Ryan’s wrist, and Ryan drops the towel to their feet as Shane leans in, without needing to bend at all, and softly kisses him. 

————-

There’s no torrid affair, no sex, Shane and Ryan are both exhausted after all, but Shane lies pointedly in Ryan’s bed and they talk about Watcher and London and everything but the kiss until they fall asleep.

———

In the morning, it’s an early flight back to LAX. Any shy, sheepish smiles are easily covered up by sleep deprivation and one barely awake Steven Lim.

Steven gets the middle seat, and even when Shane and his too long legs kindly offers the aisle to his cooking show expert friend, Steven just settles in with his neck pillow and blanket and headphones and Ryan and Shane share amused slightly remorseful looks over his sleeping form every so often on their way back to LA.

———

They get two different Uber’s back. Shane rides with Steven and then, after Steven is dropped off, heads straight to Ryan’s. Ryan is waiting for him, and he pulls him in to kiss him the second he get to his door.

They're still so tired, their hearts hammering in that weirdly shallow bright way, unsure of what time or even what day it is, until Shane accidentally coughs directly into Ryan’s mouth.

They pull apart for Shane to laugh, turning red in mortification, apologizing an awful lot while Ryan laughs and lets it go. 

All it takes is them sitting on the couch without kissing or talking or moving and dragging luggage for the first time in twelve hours for their exhaustion to finally hit them and they stare blearily back at one another.

”We should probably sleep,” Shane says finally.

“Yeah,” Ryan admits.

”In our own beds,” Shane adds.

They’re lucky enough that Ryan’s roommates haven’t walked in on them yet.

Ryan scratches at his chin, looking a little disappointed. “Yeah.”

Shane kisses his cheek. “Tomorrow?”

”Tomorrow,” Ryan says, knowing they have Watcher Weekly to film. 

“Unless I am deathly ill,” Shane jokes, fake coughing into his hand.

”Ha-ha,” Ryan says, rolling his eyes and he walks him out. “See you tomorrow, big guy.”

————

He does not see him tomorrow because Shane has a cold.

He and Steven joke about it, but as it turns out the jokes on him because by the time they’re supposed to film the next Watcher Weekly, Ryan’s the one with the cold.

Now that they’ve finally kissed, it seems like one thing or another keeps them apart, until finally...

————

“Pandemic,” Shane says at lunch. “They’re saying we should all socially distance ourselves.”

”What does that mean, exactly?” Steven asks.   
  
Ryan knows, because his anxiety won’t let him not know. He knows because he stayed up reading articles and texting his more science minded brother until they’ve agreed to stay away from their parents house until this whole thing blows over. He’s pretty on edge as it is.

”It means we should hunker down and stay home as much as possible,” Shane says. “There’s some things people can do from home, and others...well. We’ll just have a more...YouTube-y looking Watcher Weekly until the CDC gives us the green light.”

”Wow,” Steven says. “How long do you think this will last?”

”We don’t know,” Shane says seriously. “Which is why I was thinking of asking Ryan if he wanted to stay with me.”

Both Ryan and Steven lift their heads at the same time in surprise.

”Just Ryan?” Steven asks suspiciously but Shane doesn’t meet Ryan’s eyes as he says, “you like your personal space. Ryan needs people to survive.”

”That’s true,” Steven admits reluctantly. 

“What do you think, little guy?” Shane asks him, finally meeting his gaze. Ryan thinks of the hotel, of the kiss.

”Sure, why not,” he says, affecting casualness, and Shane sends him a private smile.

“When?” Steven asks.

”The sooner the better,” Shane says. “Monday?”

Monday it is.

————

Ryan brings several bags of things, including camera equipment, his laptop, and other gear.

There’s a thrill as Shane helps him bring his stuff up to his apartment like...like they’re moving in together.

There’s no sane way to ask that question, given they’ve only kissed and haven’t even made This official, in any way or form...but Ryan believes that this is what Shane’s done for him, giving them the time to really test and decide what this thing could be.

Obi dances around him as Shane sets his stuff aside, in a corner in the living room, and then, begins to gesture around. “So, the sofa is a pullout,” Shane says, “you can have the lay of the land if you like, whenever you need space, I can be in my room, you can have this, etecetra. I got snacks, and food, but I figure we can go out for more or order in if we need to, and, if you need anything, or want anything, my space is open to you.” 

“Shane,” Ryan says, and Shane looks at him again, begins to step a little closer—Shane’s so tall, Ryan thinks for the zillionth time, he likes the way that he has to tilt his head back to see him properly, likes the way he can loom over him, thinks that this could be a really, very interesting time for the two of them. His hands itch to touch Shane’s torso, the way his shirt clings to him, but then the doorbell rings.

Shane frowns. “Thats weird.”

”Maybe you ordered food?” Ryan asks hopefully. 

“No,” Shane says distractedly. “I was going to make you dinner.”

”Careful,” Ryan says before he opens the door. “That could be the virus.”

Shane shares a grin, “Corona? Is that you?” he whispers and Ryan giggles. 

He opens the door, and Ryan’s giggles stop. 

Its Steven Lim. With a backpack, and a large chunky suitcase. 

For a moment nobody says anything.

“Steven,” Shane says finally. “You’re here. Right now. With us.”

“Yeah, I changed my mind,” Steven says, walking in past Shane, who mildly lets him in in spite of the wide ‘what are you doing??!’ eyes Ryan sends his way.   
  
Steven stops in the living room. “Thought about what you said...Figured it’s be good for me. Watcher’s gotta stick together, right?”

Shane's polite smile is frozen on his face. “Right.”

”Did Ryan claim the couch?” Steven asks.

”No,” Ryan says flatly.

“Cool,” Steven says, falling back against it, his arms going up in a happy stretch. “It’s gonna be like a sleepover.”

”Lots of sleepovers,” Shane reminds him, like he’s finally realizing this is their last chance to get him out. “We could be here for weeks.”

”Maybe even months,” Ryan says, fueled by his anxiety and, quite honestly, a serious desire to bone his best friend.

”Wow, talk about bonding,” Steven says brightly. “I mean, we’re all ‘married’ now, right? Think of this like...consummating the marriage.”

Shane and Ryan have no words to reply to that.

”Oh, wait, no, that’s not what I meant,” Steven says, realizing the implication, and he laughs. “Gross.”

Ryan slowly sits down on the couch, like his knees gave out, and Shane sits quickly next to them on a chair—possibly to keep Ryan from throttling Steven, but also as possibly to stay far enough away from Ryan to evade his own throttling.

“Let the honeymoon begin,” Ryan says fatalistically.

Shane laughs weakly, and bites his lip.

”oh, where are you going to sleep, Ryan?” Steven asks, and Ryan’s eye twitches.   
  
“With me,” Shane a little loudly. 

They both look up at Shane again. 

“My bed’s a king,” he says in way of explanation. “Long legs.”

”Okay,” Steven says easily. “You guys can do all the consummating then.” He laughs like it’s the best joke ever and Ryan and Shane feel the need to laugh along with him.

”Don’t make me call HR,” Shane says with a little wink and for the first time since Steven showed up Ryan thinks that maybe this whole quarantine thing won’t be so bad.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ratings gone up juuuust a tad. Thanks for the love for this fic, everyone <3 hope you’re staying safe out there

Shane makes pasta for three.

It kind of kills Ryan to realize this was probably supposed to be romantic—like even if they were stuck at home it was like Shane was going to try and actually date him. 

Instead, Steven refuses to take any hints or leave the kitchen for even a moment, playfully criticizing Shane’s sauce choice and trying to show him this one olive oil dipping recipe he knows for the bread.

Ryan sets the table.

“So what’s the plan for tonight,” Steven asks mischievously over dinner. “Wanna smash your bros?” His eyebrow wiggles are drowned out by Ryan dropping his fork loudly on his plate before he picks it up again.

”Eat your greens,” Shane tells him, like nothing is remiss and Ryan scowls and takes an extra large bite full of salad and spite.

He wonders if any of them will make it. Maybe this was how murderers were made.

—————

They do play Smash until eleven when it’s a feasible time to bid Steven goodnight, but Ryan catches Shane yawning as he goes to brush his teeth after him and has a feeling nothing more is going to happen tonight.

He’s in pajamas, they both are, as they crawl into their respective sides of the bed, Ryan on the left, Shane on the right. 

“So,” Shane says, sotto voice, turning onto his side to face him.

”So,” Ryan echoes, mirroring him, cheek in hand.

”This isn’t exactly...what I had envisioned for our first night together,” Shane says. “In...any capacity.”

”You’re telling me this wasn’t all just an elaborate scheme to get me in your bed? I’m shocked,” Ryan says, and Shane sputters with quiet, flustered laughter.   
  
“I can think of several ways to attempt that that don’t involve the need to sneak around like teenagers,” Shane answers drolly. 

“Well,” Ryan says coyly, ignoring the hammering of his heart. “I’m in your bed now.”

“Yes,” Shane says, voice like silk, eyes like honey. “Yes, you are.”

There’s a rap at the door.

”You...have got to be kidding me,” Ryan says, laughing a little in utter disbelief.

Shane sits up and away on his elbows, the blanket falling somewhere over his lap. “...yes?” he calls.

Steven opens the door with an armful of ginger cat.

”Someone wanted to say goodnight,” Steven says in a ridiculous voice. 

“Oh, wow,” Shane says weakly.“He let you pick him up.”

“Yeah,” Steven says, holding a squashed-looking Obi to his chest. “Cats love me. I just had to get him from behind the couch.”

Steven brought Obi over to the bed. “Does he usually sleep with daddy?”

Ryan sinks lower into the mattress if possible.

“Um, he does,” Shane admits awkwardly. “But I just washed the sheets, and took his bed out into the bathroom because—“

“I’m allergic,” Ryan finishes for him, another realization as to what Shane has done for him (for them both) slowly dawning.

”Oops,” Steven says when Obi inevitably escapes, jumping onto his father’s lap. “Ryan are you going to be okay?”

Ryan forces a tight smile. “Just a little irritable,” he says, but Steven doesn’t seem to notice, cooing over the way Obi cuddles up to Shane.

”Aw, see? He wanted to be with you,” Steven says warmly.

”How about that,” Shane says, petting his kitty.

“Aw,” Steven says again. “Seems like it’s more fun in here.”   
  
He leaves that last part hanging and Ryan suddenly knows what he’s aiming for, standing in the doorway like he’s hoping for an invitation to their party. 

“You can sleep with Obi if you want,” Ryan offers before Shane lets him set up camp in this room too.

“That’s okay,” Steven says, slowly backing out of the room. “I know he’s happy with you.”

“Well-I—“

The door clicks closed and Obi’s tail brushes Ryan’s face as he gets settled just in between them. Perfect.

”Uh, Ryan, I—“ Shane starts weakly.

”It’s fine,” Ryan says, turning on his side, to face away from the possessive kitty, resigned to his fate. “It’s all fine.”

———

Ryan’s bleary eyed the next morning. Shane has apologized multiple times already, watching Ryan take his allergy medicine, but Ryan brushes him off.   
  
It’s not the worst thing in the world.

”Goooood morning, Watcher,” Steven sings, fresh from the shower in a robe and pajama bottoms. “Quarantine day 2, here we go.”

_That_, however, might be.

———

There’s always something.

Always. They’re home together, all the time, which is convenient for certain things, like Watcher Weekly, and planning shoots and editing, and talking business things through—and super inconvenient for ever wanting to make it past kissing into bone-town.

Ryan can’t speak for Shane, but he’s had more frustrating long showers now than he’s had in his life—and using twice the body conditioning too. 

Shanes not even kissed him since he moved in and Ryan’s getting ready to start a strike or do something drastic.

Shane must be able to tell because two weeks in, after a day full of work and some gaming, Shane calls an early night in such a way that suggests he’s maybe trying to get Ryan to take the hint and join him too.

Its a little early, but Ryan joins ten minutes after, leaving Steven to whatever he’s still working on after nine.

Luckily for Ryan’s sake, Obi hasn’t slept in their bed again, and as Ryan passes him in the hall he thinks the way his tail is moving as he looks at him means that cat might be plotting something.

”We don’t have to do anything,” Shane says the second Ryan has the door closed. “I just wanted to talk.”

He’s positioned on the edge of the bed, bent a little to meet his gaze in that button up shirt, hair a disheveled mess, giving Ryan just enough of a look down his long neck and past his collar that he suddenly feels flushed all over.

Ryan takes off his own t-shirt, pulling it over his head, and holds it in his hands, and Shane openly stares.

”I was hot,” Ryan explains, blushing a little, and Shane stares a second more before dropping his gaze back to the ceiling, and then his hands, smiling a little. “Sure.”

“You were saying,” Ryan says, with more sass than he feels, going over to drop his old shirt on the “dirty” half of his suitcase. If he’s not wrong he feels Shane’s gaze on his back.

”So, obviously this situation is less than ideal,” Shane says. 

”You don’t say,” Ryan drawls, bending over as he takes off his shorts.

”What was I going to do, tell him to go home?” Shane asks, and Ryan turns to him with an exasperated look. 

He’s definitely a lot more naked than he usually is in front of Shane—probably cause Shane’s always been a somewhat modest guy, the type of guy who changed in the bathroom even when they shared a hotel room.   
  
He’s spent whole weekends in his underwear around his bros before. Heck, he’s gone swimming with Shane before.

This is different. 

Though he keeps his eyes planted firmly on Ryan’s face, meeting his gaze, Shane’s eyes are very, very dark.

”Now? No. Two weeks ago, Shane,” Ryan says finally. “You could’ve told him to go home.”

”That’s a little harsh, don’t you think?” Shane asks, but his mouth is tilting up at the corners.

Theres nothing Ryan wants more than to slide into his lap. He’s about to, too, when there’s a knock at the door.

”Shane,” Ryan warns.

The look in Shane’s eyes is replaced with something a lot more torn.

’Dont you dare,’ Ryan mouths.

Shane looks away. Ryan could scream.

”...yes?” Shane calls out.

“I think you might have a ghost,” Steven’s voice says.

Ryan’s eyes almost bug out of his skull.

Shane’s nostrils flare. “It’s called having a cat,” he says right back.

”No, I don’t think so,” Stevens muffled voice insists but he sounds shady as hell. “You might want to come check it out.”

”I...” Shane has to choke back his own laughter at the look of pure fury in Ryan’s eyes. “I’ll come see.”

”You both might wanna come see,” Steven says, sounding excited.

”Oh, now he wants to talk about ghosts,” Ryan spits.

”Come on, now,” Shane says, reaching out and patting his bare hip, “you love this stuff.”

”I’m going to kill him,” Ryan wheezes, unsure if he’s more amused or distraught. “I’m actually going to kill him.”

“Now, now,” Shane says. “Who’s the best little ghost hunter in LA?”

Ryan runs a hand through his hair, breathing out through his nose. “I am.”

Shane beams and Ryan has to turn away before he ignores the potential for ruining their business by jumping his bones anyway.

”That’s the spirit,” Shane says, swatting Ryan’s butt and making him yelp—maintaining his innocent face when Ryan looks his way. 

“Fine,” Ryan says, pulling back on his shirt, and meeting Shane’s smug face. “Fine. I’ll get the spirit box.”

The defeat in Shane’s eyes is pure heroin.

—————

The whole ghost thing is bullshit from the start.   
  
Shane knows it, Ryan knows it, and Steven has to know it, too. He won’t let them do a seance or anything actually interesting, questions the validity of the spirit box from the beginning and seems hell-sent to cockblock Ryan till the end of days.

Even still, it’s at least an hour of sitting in the dark with Steven in Shane’s living room with flashlights, asking the ghost to turn them on again or off again before Steven says, “Wow, this is actually kind of boring,” and they call it a night. 

———-

”Ryan,” Shane says, watching him take off his shirt again and burrow under the covers like the grumpiest little groundhog. “Come on. That wasn’t so bad.” 

“It’s not boring when there are actually ghosts,” Ryan sulks. Shane shucks off his jeans and Ryan’s eyes come back, peeking subtly over the duvet. 

“I know,” Shane says indulgently, throwing his jeans into his laundry basket and then flushing a bit himself when Ryan’s eyes meet his.

”One measly little hour,” Ryan mumbles and Shane huffs a laugh, joining him under the covers on his side of the bed.

”You’re right,” Shane says, his hair spread out looking soft against the pillow. “He’d never survive a stake out.”

”Never,” Ryan agrees vehemently.

”There’s too much waiting around,” Shane says. “Just...chilling.”

Though they’ve shared this bed for two weeks they don’t often talk like this. Watcher (and Steven) has kept them so busy, Shane’s usually asleep by the time his head hits the pillow.

Sometimes he tries to watch him, sometimes he just listens to him breathe. It makes him feel like a massive creep, but it’s soothing, too. 

Shane’s caught him more than once, too. ‘Ryan, go to sleep,’ he’ll say and Ryan will close his eyes at once. He doesn’t think anyone gets him the way Shane does. 

There aren’t many people who would let him keep sleeping in their bed after that.

There aren’t many people who would keep going to creepy decrepit houses and sitting and talking to “air” for hours either.

”I suppose,” Ryan says, slowly beginning to agree with him. “It could...seem boring.”

Shanes mouth tugs a little. “Mmhmm.”

”...to some people.”

”...mmmhmm.”

”But not to me,” Ryan says.

”No?” Shane asks, eyes crinkling.

”For one thing, half the time I’m scared,” Ryan confesses, smiling self-consciously.

”...that’s true.”

”...and, you know,” Ryan says. “The other half, I mean...”

Shane’s eyes search his, drawing the words out.

”...I’m with you,” Ryan says, and Shane pulls the covers back just enough to crawl on top of him.

Ryan gets just a little, “Oh,” sound out before Shane’s kissing him.

He has a knee between Ryan’s legs, hands on either side of Ryan’s face, and his mouth is hot and insistent against his own. Then, he’s mouthing at his jaw, and Ryan’s hands are in Shane’s thick brown hair and he’s swearing quietly and he feels Shane, hard against his thigh and thinks, okay, maybe they can work this thing out after all.


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning, Ryan wakes up in a considerably better mood.   
  
This mood may have something to do with mutual blowjobs, but one couldn’t be too sure. It was an experiment they’d have to repeat just in case.

In any case, the mood continues even as they face yet another week of quarantine together.

Its not all bad anymore, Ryan thinks, playing footsie with Shane under the table at dinner and finding earlier and earlier reasons to pull away. 

His foot goes up and up Shane’s thigh until Shane drops his fork and says he thinks he’s going to call it an early one.

”Oh,” Steven says, looking befuddled. “I thought we were going to play—“

”Nope,” Ryan says, throwing their dishes in the sink.

He allows himself to feel a little smug when he closes the bedroom door (not quite) in his face.   
  
Between work and screwing around as quietly as if they live with their parents, Ryan’s beginning to think that maybe this whole quarantine thing is the best thing that’s ever happened to them.

And, he hopes, as Shane fingers him within an inch of his life, it’ll all be over soon enough, too.

Then Steven will leave, and he and Shane can have bed rattling, loud, uproarious sex.

He’d really like to be able to scream.

————

“Till the end of April,” Steven says miserably, a few days later, scrolling through his news feed. “That’s...a whole ‘nother month!”

Ryan sighs. He doesn't especially like it either, but a look Shane’s way is all the comfort he needs. 

“Guess we’re still stuck here together,” Ryan says, and Shane gives him a little wink.

Steven doesn’t look especially comforted, and Ryan feels weirdly vindicated, however petty.

_That's what you get_, he thinks.

————

It’s hard to feel bad for your cockblocking buddy when you have your longtime crush’s hand over your mouth as he grinds said cock into you as quietly as humanly possible.

“Shhh,” Shane whispers, breath hot in his ear, and Ryan moans, muffled behind his palm.  
  
Shane smiles, all teeth, and Ryan takes some of those fingers in his mouth so he can silence himself another way.

————

The next morning he wakes next to a naked Shane again. It’s becoming a habit he could easily become used to. Too easily.

Its the weekend, he remembers, even though all the days have begun to blend together, so he lets Shane sleep in, watching him more fondly and openly than before until he finally has to get up to take a leak.

He’s coming back out of the bathroom when he hears a soft sound from the living room and he peeks over to see that Steven’s awake.

He’s seated on his couch-turned-into-a-bed, journaling and reading the Bible, still in his sweat pants and t shirt, his morning devotion.

Ryan’s about to slink back to bed when Steven looks up and sees him. 

“You’re up,” Steven says in surprise.

”For now,” Ryan concedes with a little grin, and Steven smiles back. 

If he’s not wrong, he thinks he sees something a little sadder there in his eyes when Steven looks away. Tempted as he is to slink off, Ryan takes a breath and decides to be a little more generous with his time.

”How’d you sleep?” Ryan asks, and Steven simply smiles, and nods a little. 

“Can’t complain,” he says, but Ryan has a feeling he’d like to. 

Ryan swallows his desire to go back to Shane in bed—it would be so easy, it’s exactly what he’s wanted forever—and steps further into the room..

”Yeah?” Ryan asks. “How have you been in all...this,” he trails off, gesturing awkwardly.

Steven’s shoulders droop a little. “I don’t want to sound ungrateful,” he says.

Uh oh.

”No,” Ryan says, sitting down next to him on the couch. “What is it?”

When Steven’s eyes meet his again Ryan’s shocked and horrified to see them well up with tears. 

“I’m just really lonely,” he says in a thin voice. “I thought—I thought that if I came over we could finally all be friends, Like there’s no where else to go or to be, so we’d have to be right?”

“Oh Steven,” Ryan says guiltily.

”—but, I mean, I can tell you guys just think I’m annoying and I’m worried I left everything to be here with people who don’t even want me.”

”Thats not true,” Shane’s voice says from the hall, and Ryan sends him a pleading, desperately grateful look. Shane’s just wearing boxers but he’s back over and sitting on the other side of Steven in a moment. “Steven, I’m sorry you felt that way.”

”It’s all my fault,” Ryan begins.

”No, I should have asked,” Steven says, wiping his eyes with the corner of his shirt. “If you wanted me to stay. I just thought, maybe—I could make you guys be my friends, but-“

“I’m in love with Shane,” Ryan blurts out and Steven abruptly stops crying.

”You...” Steven sniffles and then blinks, like he’s trying to go back over what he thought Ryan said. “What?”

Shane stares at him over Steven but Ryan doesn’t know what else to do. 

“Shane and I have been sneaking around because we like each other,” Ryan says, deeply wishing he had just said that in the first place.

Steven wipes at his eyes, looking like he’s still trying to comprehend what he’s hearing. 

“Shane invited me over so we—“

”...could have sex??” Steven finishes in disbelief.   
  
“Um,” Shane says, crossing his arms over his bare chest and looking like he wishes he was wearing a few more layers right about now. “...maybe?”

Steven stands abruptly. “I’m going on a walk,” he says.

”You’re in pajamas—“

”I know I’m in pajamas,” Steven interrupts more loudly, walking to the door and sliding into his flip flops. 

He pauses at the door. “I’ll be gone for at least an hour. You guys might as well make the most of it.”

He shuts the door with as-close-to-a-Steven-sized-slam.

————

For a long moment Ryan and Shane just stare at each other.

”Well, I guess we’re not going to have sex now—“

”Ryan.”

”Sorry.”

Shane is still looking at him like he doesn’t quite know what to do with him, and Ryan remembers his confession, still ringing in his ears.

”Ryan,” Shane begins quietly.

”I’ll go get him,” Ryan says like that’s what he was going to say.

He goes into Shane’s bedroom and thows on the nearest clothes, grabs his glasses and Shane’s keys. 

Shane doesn’t stop him.

————

Ryan finds Steven sitting beneath a lonely hoop in an empty outdoor b-ball court a half mile from Shane’s. It’d been a gamble—Ryan wasn’t that familiar with the spot (Shane certainly had never taken him there) but it paid out in the end.

Steven doesn’t look happy to see him.   
  
“Don’t you know we’re supposed to be social distancing,” Steven says, and Ryan does an exaggerated pantomime, dribbling the ball his way and shooting it into the hoop.

Steven frowns harder.

Clearing his throat, Ryan stops goofing around.

”I don’t know where to begin with this, man,” Ryan says awkwardly. “Shane’s the one who’s better at this sort of thing.”

”How long have you two been dating?” Steven asks point blankly.

”Not very...we haven’t,” Ryan says clumsily. “Not really.”

Steven doesn’t look impressed.

”Shane kissed me in London,” Ryan confesses to Steven’s steely gaze. “We’ve been dancing around this thing forever and it finally seemed like it could happen when this whole...Corona shit happened, so Shane invited me to stay with him and I guess he thought...” Ryan kicked at gravel, “We could kinda. Date from home. Fuck around. Something.”

Steven shakes his head. “Why didn’t he—why did he invite you in front of me? Why did he...why didn’t either of you just think of telling me this?”

Ryan shrugs, feeling childish and stupid. “We didn’t have a label on it...it’s just...we thought—I thought you’d think what we were doing was—“

”Idiotic?” Steven asks, looking madder than Ryan’s seen him in his life. “Completely irresponsible?” 

Ryan says nothing.

”What, you guys were just having so much fun, sneaking behind my back and laughing at me like we’re not on the same side—“

”We weren’t laughing at you,” Ryan says quietly.

”No,” Steven begins more harshly, “you just thought I might have a problem with the fact that I put my life’s savings into a company with two guys who are willing to risk everything so they can...’fuck around?’”

Ryan hung his head. It always sounded especially bad when Steven swore. What was worse was he was right. There were no guarantees any of this would last past quarantine. 

He didn’t know about Shane, but Ryan could easily become bitter towards him if he decided things were over after April. It could poison everything.

“Every time I think that maybe you guys are growing up you prove me wrong,” Steven says, sounding exasperated. “I mean, do you even like each other or do just like sneaking around?”

Ryan felt a lump in his throat. He couldn’t speak. 

Steven abruptly stopped ranting. “Look,” he said a little more gently. “We’re in this together.” He has a little ironic smile on his face. “For better or for worse.”

Ryan managed a weak smile back, and Steven stood, coming over to stand in front of him and stare him down.

”Just don’t lie to me about something like this again,” Steven said more seriously. “Or I’m out. That’s it.”

Steven left Ryan standing alone in the basketball court.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh oh, sisters


	4. Chapter 4

Ryan stays at the basketball court for a long time.

He considers all the different ways he could break things off with Shane, and gets equal parts mad and sick with the thought of it—until he’s beaten himself emotionally into a grim resolve.

It isn’t until he sees Shane’s goofy bobbing head coming around the corner that the tears come.

”...Ryan?” Shane asks gently, looking like he dressed in a hurry himself, in jeans, an old t shirt and flip flops.

“No,” Ryan says, holding up a hand. “Stay over there.”

Shane stops. 

”Are we...really going to enforce the six feet rule now?” Shane jokes lamely. “Cause, Buddy, I’ve got news for you—“

“We have to break up,” Ryan says, wiping his face on his sleeve.

Shane just stares.

”We’ve been stupid, and reckless, and we could ruin everything and-and-and why aren’t you saying anything?” Ryan asks, feeling more helpless by the second.

”Okay,” Shane says flatly.

”Okay?” Ryan snaps. “That’s all you have to say?”

”You appear to have done all the thinking on your own, you’ve made up your mind—“ 

“This is a two way street,” Ryan says, hands curled into fists at his sides. “I say we should break up and all you can say is okay?!”

Shane just crosses his arms, eyes shuttered. “I wasn’t aware we were together,” he says and Ryan hears the rush of blood in his ears.

”You and Steven can share the bed,” Shane says practically, and he starts to walk away, leaving Ryan rooted to the spot.

—————

Ryan stays at the park for at least another hour. He doesn’t exactly delete all their pictures together but he feels like it—like the crush he had on Jess from summer camp in high school, when he found out she was actually seeing Jason.

He couldn’t exactly call his mom to come pick him up now.

“Fuck,” Ryan said, wiping angrily at more tears. He missed his mom.

”You can’t stay out here forever,” Steven says, and Ryan looks up to see him standing there yet again.

”Yes I can,” Ryan says, the weight of his words somewhat undermined by how congested he sounds. ”I’m going to live here now. Tiny home style.”

“A basketball hoop is not a tiny home,” Steven says, but then he comes and sits gingerly down by Ryan on the asphalt.

”I guess not.” 

“So, Shane went out to find you...and came back alone...and...pretty upset.”

”Things are a mess, huh?” Ryan asks, and he’s teary again. 

“Yeah,” Steven sighs. “You know...I didn’t want you to actually break up, right?”

”What?” Ryan hiccups, but another shuddering breath steadies him. “Well, good news, we didn’t because apparently we weren’t even together.”

Steven winces. “Ouch.” 

“I’m sorry we lied to you, Steven,” Ryan said quietly. “What a fucking stupid thing to do.”

”The lying or the...screwing?” Steven asks knowingly.

”Both,” Ryan sighs. “I know I joke that you’re a robot, but...Jesus Christ, what an asshole.”

”Is it possible that maybe he didn’t mean it?” Steven asks meekly.

”Fuck if I know,” Ryan says. “Cause apparently my judgement isn’t exactly the best these days.”

”These are weird f-fucking days,” Steven agrees kindly, placing a hand on his shoulder.

Ryan looks at it, and smiles. 

—————

Ryan is gently goaded back to Shane’s apartment by Steven, though he feels a whole range of emotions when he sees Shane drinking coffee in his kitchen, like nothings wrong. 

Shane looks at him, and Ryan knows he must look like shit, and turns away.

Ryan turns, grabs an unsuspecting Obi from his spot on the couch and goes to the balcony.

He falls into the wicker bench with the orange furball, and burrows his face in his highly allergenic hairs and breathes.

Theres a sound, and Ryan looks up—sees Shane standing there, eyeing him with the most strange look on his face.

”For a second,” Shane admits, embarrassed, “I thought you were going to throw Obi over—“

”You WHAT!” Ryan exclaims, and his emotional support animal scurries back into the apartment. 

Shane hangs his head in shame, but Ryan is furious.

”Now look at what you’ve done!” 

Ryan grabs any old pillow from the bench and squishes it to his chest—it’s not the same. He’s ready for an argument—to throw SHANE off the balcony, but Shane to his surprise starts to laugh.

”—the fact that you think I’d throw any animal, much less your cat-! What—what are you laughing about??”

Shane’s laughing so hard he has tears in his eyes, and he wipes at them with his thumb. “You said—you said you were in love with me, and then broke up with me in the same day,” he says, sounding out of breath. “And then I thought you threw my cat off the balcony. That’s just...” he wheezes, “the kind of day I’m having.”

Ryans face goes through a whole range of emotions. “I like to keep you on your toes,” he says finally, but his voice cracks a little.

”I know, lil guy,” Shane says, finally done laughing. “I know.”

For a second Ryan almost thinks of asking Shane if he wants to talk this through, but Shane bites his lips and averts his eyes, slapping the wall in goodbye as he goes back inside.

—————

Shane sleeps on the couch bed and Steven joins Ryan in Shane’s bedroom. It doesn’t make a lot of sense to Ryan, logistically—to be sleeping in a place that reminds him of Shane finger banging him into oblivion—but he figures Shane’s trying to be gallant and not punish him for any of this.

It still ends up being a kind of punishment though.

”So I guess you two weren’t just gossiping and playing games together huh,” Steven says from the right side of the bed, shifting to get comfortable and Ryan closes his eyes. “Nope.”

”Dang.”

All Ryan can do is laugh. 

——-

Things to back to normal, or as normal as they can be, all things considered, as the work week starts up again.

Shane gets the idea to try DND, and they get Kate to be a part of it (remotely of course) and it seems like a fun little addition to their regular schedule. 

Ryan’s still sore over things, of course, with Shane’s treating him as gingerly as possible, but there’s not much he can do about that at this point.   
  
Its kind of too late to go back to his place with his roommates.

It hits him when he sees Shane sleep soft or rolling up the couch bed some mornings before work, when he sees him in just a shirt and boxers and messy, mussed hair. 

It aches when he sees him just standing there, smiling at nothing, or when he sees his hair towel dry, or wet, fresh from the shower. 

There's nothing he can do but be an adult about this—he’s had breakups before.

They weren’t even really together anyway. 

—————

Now Ryan thinks he knows, however differently, how Steven must have felt. There’s something missing, and it’s hard not to actively feel miserable because of it.

What’s even worse is the thought that he’d let Steven go on that long without checking in. He must hate him.

Its after the second time playing DND, back in bed that Ryan broaches the subject.

“Steven,” Ryan says finally when he’s not sure if he’s awake anymore.

”Mm?”

”Are you mad at me?”

He hears rustling.

”...Ryan, no,” he hears him clear his throat. “I forgive you. I already did, a week ago.”

Ryan feels a tear or two go down his cheek.

”Are you sure?”

”Ryan,” Steven says with a sigh. “You’re one of my best friends. I’m sure.”

”Okay,” Ryan says, glad no one can see his face in the dark. “Goodnight Stephanos.”

”Goodnight Steven.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry babies x


	5. Chapter 5

Things get a little better.

Ryan goes shopping with Steven just to get out of the house. They wear masks and gloves and Ryan might have added a worrying amount of beer to their cart if Steven’s looks are any indication, but he just adds ice cream and popcorn and dares him to say anything.

Like the past week, Ryan works either in the bedroom, or on the patio, or wherever Steven is (preferably wherever Shane is not).   
  
This goes on until Steven says in the nicest voice possible that he wanted to maybe get some alone time and Ryan realizes how much of a shadow he’s been recently and he brushes it off like it’s no big deal.

—————

Its kind of a big deal.

He drinks probably more than he should: especially considering he hasn’t been running or doing anything physical for longer than he’d like to admit. His trainer is going to kick his ass when they get out—if they ever do.

”We opening an ice cream shop in here?” Shane tries to joke when he sees the different kinds of tubs on the counter, and Ryan adds the different scoops to his bowl and says, “Yeah,” which isn’t funny or anything, but Shane just kind of says, “Ha ha” out loud anyway.

”Did you want any?” Ryan asks, his spoon clinking loudly against the glass of his bowl and Shane watches him.

”Okay,” he says, and he chooses vanilla, because he’s the most boring man on earth.

The ice cream put away and out of danger of melting, it’s just the two of them eating quietly in the room—the first time it’s just the two of them since the “break up.”

“You look well,” Shane says which is such fucking bullshit—Ryan’s wearing a two day old t shirt and basket ball shorts and he hasn’t washed his hair for longer than that. His glasses are smeared. 

”Shut up, Shane,” Ryan says flatly. “I know I look like shit.”

”I was just going to suggest,” Shane began and then wisely stopped at the look Ryan sent his way.

”If you say I’m wallowing-“

”I wasn’t going to,” Shane says but Ryan doesn’t believe him. 

“Some people, have feelings,” Ryan says, letting his bowl clatter loudly in the sink. It’s not his most mature exit, but Shane grabs him before he can stomp off anyway.

”It’s not about a lack of feeling,” Shane says, a hand on his chest. “It’s about doing the right thing.”

He’s still not actually looking at him though, not really, and Ryan scowls.

“The right thing. Sure. You could’ve fooled me,” Ryan snarks, going to push his hand away but Shane wraps it around his wrist, surprising him by pulling him in close.

”What would you like me to do?” Shane asks in a low, dangerous voice. “Beg you?”

Ryan feels heat rush to his face.

”Something would’ve been nice,” Ryan says, jutting out his chin.

”Oh please,” Shane sneers and Ryan pushes him away, hot all over.

”Fuck you,” he says, suddenly desperate to get away before he does something foolish—like hit him or cry. 

Shane looks like he regrets it almost immediately. “Ryan—“

”I’m going for a run,” Ryan says, taking Shane’s extra apartment keys, and he runs away.

—————

Ryan jogs off more than the beer and ice cream. Once he starts he doesn’t want to stop. He keeps going until he’s probably much further away from Shane’s neighborhood than he had any reason to be. He bends over, hands on his knees and takes huge gulping breaths and then turns back. 

At one point it starts to rain.

He’s half walking now, letting it wash over him, get down to the skin. He stands there, breathing heavy, and tilts his head back and tries to drink as much as he can catch in his open mouth. That’s what he gets for leaving without a water bottle.

Its dripping down his face.

He wants to stew in it, but he could hear his family yelling at him for risking getting sick when there’s a pandemic going on, so finally, reluctantly, he makes his way back to Shane’s.

”Ryan,” Steven greets him, looking relieved. There’s soup on the counter, and Ryan realizes he didn’t have his phone on him.

”Sorry,” Ryan apologizes, exhausted from his run, wet and panting, and he sees Shane eying him, looking almost haunted from the kitchen.

“I’m sorry,” Ryan says again, and Shane just shakes his head.

—————

After dinner and a hot shower, Ryan comes out to see Steven standing there in front of the bedroom with his laptop under his arm.

”I’m going to be FaceTiming my family,” he says very intentionally. 

“Okay,” Ryan says, sniffing out steam, still dripping wet.

”Okay,” Steven agrees, but then his eyes give him away as he glances past him towards Shane, standing awkwardly in the living room.

A set up. 

He doesn’t have a chance to call Steven out on it before he disappears into Shane’s bedroom.   
  
“You’re dripping,” Shane points out, like he doesn’t know, and Ryan wishes he had a room to escape to. 

“We need to do laundry,” Ryan says stiffly. The towels were all damp and kinda gross.

Shane takes a kitchen towel and comes towards him, so Ryan’s jaw twitches and he holds out an expectant hand.

”Bend,” Shane just says, so Ryan swallows and tilts his head.

Shane towels him off and Ryan gets goosebumps all down the back of his neck and down his spine.

Its like London, but not. Everything’s bittersweet now.

When Ryan looks up again, Shane is looking right back. 

“I’m sorry,” he says. It’s quiet and simple.   
  
“Why?” Ryan asks in a small voice. 

“I know it feels like a lot right now,” Shane continues. “But Steven was right the first time.”

”Why?” Ryan asks again getting teary. 

“We’ve spent so much time together, baby,” Shane says, pressing a hand against Ryan’s nape, just resting it there. “It’s natural feelings develop, but it’s not going to stay like this.”

“Why not?” Ryan asks miserably. “Just because we won’t have to live together?”

”Because you’re going to go back out into that big beautiful world again, and you’re going to meet a young lady that’ll change your world someday,” Shane said gently, brushing a tear with his thumb. “And then what will you do, huh?”

Ryan’s face scrunched up as Shane’s words, contrasting with his sweet touches, finally reached his brain. “What?” he asked. “You’re telling me,” he sniffed. “You broke up with me over a hypothetical girl?”

Shane stopped touching his face. “You broke up with me, remember,” he said calmly. “I just figured, it was speeding up the inevitable.”

”Then why did you kiss me, huh?” Ryan asks, wiping his face on his sleeve. “Why did you start this if you think I’m just going to turn around and—“

“Because I’m selfish,” Shane interrupts him loudly, before quieting down. “Because I’m selfish, and I was tired and I had finally run out of patience.”

“It’s not selfish,” Ryan says slowly. “If I want it too. Just because you’re too scared-“

“Yeah, so what if I’m scared?” Shane asks. “You want me now. You want to wait until we trade ‘I love you’s’ to realize its going to be hard and scary as fuck out there, keeping our company afloat and being together? Is that what you want?”

”We’re already doing this together,” Ryan says stubbornly.

“That’s not the same-“

”It is the same,” Ryan insists. “If you don’t love me, then fine,” he says, forcing himself to meet Shane’s stare. “But nothing is scary to me if I get to do it with you.”

There was a beat. Shane turned like he might storm off, there was a certain setting of his jaw like he was mad—and then turned back around and pushed Ryan into the wall and kissed him.

Kissing might’ve been a generous term.

Shane smashes their faces together and Ryan whimpers against the onslaught of lips and teeth.

”You can’t,” Ryan manages to say in between biting kisses. “If you don’t mean it.” Ryan doesn’t think his heart can’t take it.

Shane picks him up and sweeps some nonsense off the kitchen island and lays him out. 

“Shut up,” Shane growls. “I’ll show you meaning it.”

Ryan hopes Steven has headphones—but either way he doesn’t come out of the room for a long time. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It isn’t over yet—but I may work on another fic for a minute and didn’t want to leave you all totally bummed ya know


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They talk. Finally.

Ryan woke to a knock on the door and a crick in his neck. He felt a bit like he’d fallen on a very specific pile of bricks that happened to bite him all over his neck and down his chest.   
  
Said pile of bricks was lightly snoring next to him as he sat up in the couch bed, blinking blearily in time to see Steven dash out of the bedroom, fully dressed and with his bible and journal tucked safely under one arm.

”I’m not looking, I’m not looking!” Steven said, shielding his eyes from the couch, and Ryan looked down at where the blanket pooled at his lap and frowned.

”Mmm,” Shane groaned like a zombie, sitting up straight and squinting hard, hair everywhere, and they both turned to see Steven pick up the contactless delivery of bagels and coffee and then walk over and wipe the counter and set it all down.

He took a matcha latte and a bagel and said, “I’m going to be on the balcony for a bit. Please have clothes on when I come out.”

The door closed behind him with a click. “You’d think he walked in on us fucking,” Ryan jokes and Shane gives him a weak smile.

So not everything was back to normal, then.

——————  
  
After silently cussing Shane out for the number of hickeys he had to deal with, Ryan dresses and meets Steven out on the porch with his own breakfast.

”Thanks for this,” Ryan says, holding up his coffee and bagel and Steven gives him a placid smile.

”Figured you might need your strength renewed,” he says neutrally and Ryan clears his throat.

“How much did you—“

Steven raised a brow.

”Nevermind,” Ryan says quickly. 

“So you two talked it out, then,” Steven says, apparently just as willing to change the subject. 

“If by talking you mean fucking,” Ryan jokes crudely, and judging by the look on Steven’s face it’s the second time that joke falls flat.

“Ryan,” Steven says, closing his bible on a bookmark. “I’m a virgin and even I know that’s not the same thing.”

Ryan laughs a little, but Steven’s even stare sobers him soon enough.

”...I know,” Ryan sighs. “Okay. You’re right.”

“You said you were in love with him,” Steven reminds him gently. “How does he feel about you?”

”I mean...a whole lot of...you know, he feels very...” Ryan trails off and tugs at the neck of his shirt, unintentionally drawing Steven’s gaze. “Passionate.” 

“Talk to him,” Steven says in exasperation. “You two can’t avoid talking by making out and and eating each other forever.”

”Oh, we did more than that,” Ryan says just to be a little shit, and Steven scoots him away from the bench. “Go! You little...”

”Sinner?” Ryan jokes and Steven scrunches up his face.

”You know that’s not what I meant,” Steven says getting all quiet and respectful which isn’t the mood Ryan wants at all.

”Oh, so you do wanna hear the juicy details, then?” Ryan asks and Steven pushes him back into Shane’s apartment. 

——————

Shane is freshly showered when Ryan sees him again.

”You wanna go for a walk, big guy?” Ryan asks and Shane eyes him consideringly.

“That depends,” Shane says. “Are you breaking up with me again?”

Talk about jokes falling flat this morning.

”Can’t break up if you were never together,” Ryan says. He had that one ready right out of the gate, apparently—and some bitterness swelled in his gut. Maybe Steven was right about this whole talking thing.

Shane just sucked a breath and nodded. “Let me put my shoes on and we can go.”

——————

It was kind of difficult to determine how someone felt about something when they had a mask on, Ryan was beginning to realize.

He and Shane strolled quietly side by side for a bit before he felt like broaching the subject.

“Cold out,” Ryan offered. The sky was that icky grey color it had no right to be at the beginning of spring turning to summer. 

“June gloom,” Shane agreed. “Might rain.”

”Shane,” he began, and Shane turned to him. All he could see were his eyes, and tufts of that chaotic brown hair. 

“Before all the awkward bullshit, I said something to Steven that I figure we should talk about.”

”Mm,” Shane agreed neutrally.

Outside of ‘safe’ topics like favorite snacks, movies or ghouls, they were both so non-confrontational Ryan was a little worried they were never going to get to it if he didn’t just say it.

”I-I love you, man,” he said, palms sweating and feeling flustered as hell. “I’m in love with you. I know it seems soon, but in the grand scheme of things—“

”It’s not that soon,” Shane says mildly, infuriatingly hard to read. 

“...sure, in the grand scheme of things,” Ryan said, taking whatever he could get.

”I’ve had a crush on you for years,” Shane says and Ryan’s eyes light up. He knocks their shoulders together, in place of holding his hand. “It’s not that soon.”

Ryan let out a little relieved sigh. “But what about you?” he couldn’t help ask. “What do you think?”

”Of you loving me?” Shane asks, and Ryan feels a little seed of annoyance.

”Ten out of ten,” Shane. “Would love again.”

”Shane,” Ryan chides, but he’s smiling a little behind his mask. “Is that your way of saying—do you wanna do this thing?”

”I thought we already were,” Shane says and Ryan stops walking, making Shane stop his stroll to turn and look back at him.

”What?”

”What do you mean, ‘what?’” Ryan asked, trying not to let his voice raise too much. “What are we? That’s a good ‘what’ to start with.” 

“What do you want to be?” Shane asks carefully.

”Ugh,” Ryan says. “Don’t be a martyr about this, tell me what you want.”

”I just asked you the same thing.”

”Do you want to be my boyfriend or not?” Ryan exclaims, and it’s not at all the way he pictured it in his mind.

”Sure,” Shane says all calm and placating and Ryan throws his hands up. 

“Great. Fine.”

Shane laughs at him, and Ryan marches forward until Shane catches up and touches his elbow.

”Why are you mad at me?” Shane asks, eyes crinkling above his mask down at him.

”Because you have to be the least romantic person I’ve ever met,” Ryan sulks and Shane takes him by his face and leans down so that Ryan’s heart swoops and bumps their masks together with an exaggerated kissing sound. 

”Shane,” Ryan says, more affected than he’d like to admit, but he giggles, too. “What the fuck??”

”Look, I’m sorry we can’t always be kissing in the rain,” Shane says, hands on his shoulders, and looking him dead on, right in the eyes.

For once there’s no avoidance, and even though they’re technically next to some neighbors apartment complex, it’s as private a space as any, and comes with gray skies and a light drizzle on their backs.

“I’m sorry that I let Steven come stay with us without consulting you, that I didn’t just talk to you about what you wanted before this whole...mess. I’m sorry this quarantine has happened and it’s been stressful and that every time I’ve tried to be romantic it’s failed miserably...the truth is that I’ve been in love with my best friend for longer then I’d like to admit, and I am terrified of losing you.”

Ryan’s throat bobbed. “Shane.”

”I know I give you guff about haunted houses, but the truth is I’ve been too cowardly to tell you how I feel for too long because I’d rather have you as a friend than not have you at all. I don’t believe in a lot of this...stuff, but you make me want to.” 

At some point during Shane’s speech it began to rain—big fat droplets fell down against Ryan’s face (maybe not entirely rainwater) and at this point, months into quarantine at Shane’s Ryan knew where he was. 

He grabbed Shane’s hand and started running.

”Wha—?” Shane hardly got a word out before he was laughing and stumbling after him towards the park and the yellow tape that went around it to encourage physical distancing.

”Ryan,” Shane said. “You know we’re not allowed—“

”What,” Ryan said, ducking under it. “It’s only dangerous if other people are around.”

Shane looked around, saw the emptiness of the park and the droplets on Ryan’s face and followed him under the yellow tape and down a little path and up into a good old fashioned white painted gazebo.

”Now this,” Ryan said, dropping his mask down below his chin and panting, “is romantic.”

Shane took his mask off, too, as the rain began to get a little bit harder around them, his damp hair and dark eyes entirely too compelling, Ryan feels, to be fair. 

“You gotta stop looking at me like I had something to do with it,” Shane said, looking, Ryan felt, like a man in love. “Like I made it rain for you.”

”Maybe you did,” Ryan challenges back. “So we could have some real _Singing In The Rain_ moments.”

Shane has Ryan backed up against the one of the wood columns when he says, “I think this might qualify as more of a _Sound of Music_ moment,” and Ryan’s eyes flash with recognition. “Ohh, you’re right. That’s a good ref—“

But Shane’s kissing him before he finishes that thought.

Its a hot slide of mouths and cold fingers against exposed skin, leaving trails of goosebumps under sweatshirts and gulping breaths between kisses.

The rain is really coming down now, but it’s like they’re the only two dry in a world that is drowning.

——————

Rain doesn’t last long in California. A cloud may burst here and there but it always passes. 

Ryan and Shane go back to their apartment in the sunshine. 

Steven is reading when they come in, using his day off to better himself or whatever it is he does in his spare time, and he looks up at their joined hands and then at each of their faces expectantly.

”Steven,” Ryan says, and his voice goes away but he’s lucky because Shane picks it up for him.

”I’d like you to meet my boyfriend,” Shane says, and Steven stands up and goes to shake Ryan’s hand. 

“Oh, nice to meet you,” he says, and then, Ryan giggles.

”I’d also like you to meet my boyfriend,” Ryan says, and Shane pulls a face but Steven plays along.

”Nice to meet you,” Steven says, and he shakes Shane’s hand, too.

”Pleasure,” Shane says, and Ryan’s laugh gets louder.

”You know, you two seem like such nice guys that I have a business proposition for you,” Steven says, and Shane arches an intrigued brow. 

“Do tell,” Ryan says, and Steven smiles.

”Okay, I was thinking...what if, we collaborated over quarantine...”

”Yes,” Shane prompted.

”...by giving you guys the bedroom while I get the couch bed.”

Ryan's dissolving into giggles already while Shane is holding off a little better.

”Okay?”

”So I never have to see either of you naked again.”

”Deal,” Shane says and they shake on it while Ryan says, “hey, you didn’t see anything!”

”Also,” Steven says, ignoring Ryan. “Maybe we should set up some house rules?”

But Shane’s got his warm hands half under Ryan’s t shirt, and he’s murmuring loud enough for them all to hear, “you wanna go _collab_ in the bedroom?” and Steven’s face scrunches up in distaste.

”I regret everything. I’m leaving Watcher.”

”Too late,” Ryan says, happily dragged off by Shane to the bedroom.

”Those contracts were in blood!” Shane calls out and Steven shares a look with Obi and then they’re alone.

This time Ryan knows Steven isn’t going to try and interrupt them. This time he knows they’ve got nothing but time.

“We’ve gotta do something nice for him,” Ryan says as Shane peels him out of his damp shirt.

”Sign him up for Christian Mingle,” Shane agrees.

”Shane,” Ryan laughs, but he knows things are finally back on track. “He just wants us to be his friend.”

Shane stops his undressing for a moment to kiss him and say, “Okay, Ry, okay.”

This time they're quiet when Shane fingers him open, and quiet when he pushes himself in.

Its two naked shivering bodies growing warmer by the second, sharing every damp terribly loud and utterly silent breath.   
  
Some part of Ryan wonders if quarantine has taken his voice from him, made him quiet and sad, made him sneak around and hide from himself and his feelings and so much more—and it might be the end of the world but Shane is looking at him like he’s his focal point and Steven is out there somewhere talking to God and when Ryan comes he can’t stop laughing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This may have another chapter or two one day but heres where I’m stopping for now ❤️ thanks for reading! Stay safe out there


End file.
